illustrated story

Be a Palm Tree

Last week a couple of American cities were wiped out from a giant hurricane.  The people in Florida are still in desperate need of help so please visit AmericanRedCross.org if you’d like to help. I watched Hurricane Michael on TV as it was coming to shore.  It pulled sheets of steel off of gymnasiums, uprooted […]

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They’re Not Laughing With Us

Remember last week when, for 25 minutes, America listened and believed a sexual assault victim?  And then the accuser got his say and started crying and shouting at us and everyone was like, “Gee, okay, if you’re that upset about it she must be lying.” ? Me too. The thing about Dr.Ford’s testimony that was […]

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Jasmine’s Fashion Analysis!

Jasmine looks adorable no matter what, obviously, but I’m going to be honest with you—she does have a tendency to over accessorize.  This is her every day out and about style.   She’s kind of a safety first type of dog so most of her outfit is for her own protection.  Like, she has one collar […]

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San Francisco Gross Out #36

I took a walk early one morning in a nice neighborhood up the hill from mine.  Half way through, I came upon two crows eating a rat.  Of course I was totally grossed out but also worried because maybe the rat had been poisoned.

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Bride of Frankenstein

Two weeks before my wedding day  I went surfing at Montara Beach.  I came up under my board on my first wave and sliced my forehead open with my surfboard’s fin.   It didn’t feel bad but blood began pouring into my eyes.  I climbed back up the sandy path in between the cliffs and I […]

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Buddy

I used to take care of a lonely cockatoo named Buddy. His home was a greenhouse in the backyard of his owner’s  house that was rarely there.  I was supposed to clean his glass house and feed him when Tony, the owner,  was  out of town.  At first I was terrified of the big bird […]

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They Walk Among Us

A few years ago an historically huge swell hit the Bay Area.  It was too massive for us to surf anywhere but Britt and I wanted to witness it.  We drove along the coast oohing and aahing as giant mountains of water collapsed and rolled over on themselves, exploding into the shallower water inside.  Highway […]

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Pitbull Powers Activate!

Pitbulls were once known as the Nanny Dog and the dog of the working class people.  It was the most common type of dog in America.  The pitbull’s warm and sensitive nature and interest in pleasing their owner is why they are beloved pets but it is also why they are taken advantage of by […]

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Maria’s Moscow Mules!

In celebration of our new leader, Vlad, and also as a refreshing relief from the long hot summer, here is a recipe for the delicious adult beverage, The Moscow Mule!  I reached out to the recently indicted Russian spy—oops I mean student, Maria Butina in her DC jail where she is awaiting trial and she […]

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Poo Paranoia!

  San Francisco has a poo problem.   Not a dog poo problem, we have a very large dog poo police force here where you can be bending down about to scoop up your dogs poo and some poo policeman will ask, “Are you going to pick that up?”  Or more passive aggressively they’ll ask, “Do […]

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The Golden Years

  Fact:  Senior dogs are the best dogs.  They know the routine, how to communicate, how to act.  They’re polite, gentle, disciplined and calm.  It seems like they can read your mind, they’re always prepared for your every move. They don’t bound and spring through the world anymore, but who cares?  Neither do older humans.  […]

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Fashion Alnalysis! Agassi, Wimbledon Final, 1992

In celebration of Wimbledon I thought I would share a fashion analysis of the most accessorized player ever in the game, Andre Agassi.  In 1992 he won his first major, Wimbledon, and his outfit was nuts.  I don’t know how he did it when he was so weighed down with all of his fashion don’ts.  […]

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A Civilized Bear

So it turns out that if you have a closed plastic bag of Hershey chocolate minis in a small compartment at the bottom of an 80 pound suitcase full of craft supplies locked in the camper shell of your truck in Tahoe, a bear will know.  Wandering by, late at night, he will smell chocolate, […]

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Hello Ladies!

I finally figured out this spring how to successfully launch a white fly eating brigade of ladybugs successfully into my garden.  Every year I used to try to use ladybugs to kill bugs but it was never effective.  Then a nice gal at my local hardware store gave me these tips and they worked!  Here […]

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Goodbye and Thanks To One Badass Dude

I read Kitchen Confidential when I was first starting my greeting card business.  It gave me hope that one day I could leave my restaurant job and live off of my creative endeavors. It was a beacon of light to help guide me out of the back breaking, mentally draining restaurant work and succeed as […]

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Always Wear Your Boots

A guy on a motorcycle passed me yesterday by driving around me on the wrong side of the road.  I glanced over at him and saw the he was wearing a helmet, a leather jacket and flip flops.  The flip flops made me cringe. My mind flashed back to the motorcycle accident that happened outside […]

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How Many Pounds Is A Whale Poop?

Because my dog ReRe is an innovative go getter she made the decision early on that when she has to poop at the beach it’s best to wade knee deep into the ocean and let the waves immediately dissolve and wash away any evidence of it.  This makes people furious.  They like to lecture me […]

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So Jelly

Last week there was a break in the incessant wind and fog of spring on the coast.  The sun came out and the surf calmed down at my favorite beach.  It was a Tuesday so the beach was empty.  The dogs and I were the only ones that saw the big grey whale surface just […]

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Kitty

The last time I saw my cat, a giant stoic tabby named Kitty, I was 14.  I kissed her goodbye and hugged her big fluffy body to me, trying to memorize her dusty smell.  I spoke to her secretly in her ear,  apologizing  for leaving her.  I knew I would never see her again but […]

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Neosporin is Life!

                  ***I am not a doctor!  This is not medical advice, just my personal life experience!  Please just go to a doctor, thanks!*** ___________________________________________________________________________ I didn’t have health insurance for about twelve years.  During this time I tried to eat right, exercise and prayed I wouldn’t get into an accident.  I became really good […]

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The Swarm

Britt and I were enjoying one of the last warm days of fall, sitting in the water at Ocean Beach, waiting for a wave, when we saw it.  At first we thought it was a rogue local storm raining down in the water south of us.   But it was moving and reshaping itself unlike any […]

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A Joyful Rebellion

I recently witnessed the greatest moment of work rebellion ever.  You know when you’re at work and you’re like, “No one’s the boss of me.  You may have my physical body for the next 8 hours, but you can’t have my mind.”  ?  It was basically that sentiment  being acted out with a six wheel […]

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The Tidy Raccoon, Part 2: Urban Eco-System

I’ve had a dream of growing grass in my mud pit of a backyard ever since I got my big, glorious dog Jasmine.  Her two favorite things to do are relaxing and luxuriating and relaxing and luxuriating on grass.  So this September I dug out all the useless clay soil around my patio and replaced […]

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Why I Love Crows (Reason #27)

#27 Because they play team sports in the air. It’s true, I witnessed this myself a few years ago.  Hiking in a windy valley I saw 8 or 9 crows flying and swooping high above me, chasing each other.  I stopped to watch and realized they weren’t just randomly flying, they were playing catch with […]

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Nature’s Gonna Nature

I was waiting at a stop light one afternoon when a big hawk dropped out of the sky in front of my windshield.  He snatched a pigeon out of mid air and landed with it on the roof of a car next to me.  The light turned green and I drove away still watching the […]

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A Very Sad Dog Story

Years ago a little Brazilian shop opened up next to the place I do yoga.  The owner happened to live down the block from me and I would see her and her little black and white dog, PePe walking to the store each day.  He was a blocky little Chihuahua   mix that liked his freedom.  […]

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The Butt

This weird thing happened a few months ago near my apartment.  I saw a butt.   It was shining in the sun on the sidewalk about a block away from me.  People were walking by, glancing curiously at the butt and then moving on.  A few gross guys were lingering, standing too close and discussing the […]

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My 8 Legged Valentine

My valentine has eight legs, two heads, floppy ears, velvet skin and drools when presented with string cheese. My valentine gets farty after eating eggs, is not a reader and can’t hold down a job. But my valentine is hopelessly devoted, has endless kisses and never judges me. My valentine loves car rides, long walks […]

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Cartwheeling! (Not in a good way)

A couple of years ago an airplane crash landed at the San Francisco airport.  Witnesses described it as “cartwheeling” down the runway.  Cartwheeling.  So now, whenever I fly, no amount of wine spritzers or expired pain killers from the dentist can erase that phrase from my memory.

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Pie Fridays: It all started in a Bar!

I used to have a popular pie cart called Pie Fridays.  I’d wheel it out on Fridays but that wasn’t why it was called Pie Fridays.  It all started on Friday nights in a bar in San Francisco.  I was a bartender there.  I took over Friday nights expecting to make way more money but […]

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Are You There God? It’s Me Sunde

don’t know if there’s a god and I’m not at all religious but this thing happened to me a couple of years ago that made me a little bit more of a believer.  I’m going to preface this story by admitting that,  at the time of the incident,  I was listening to a lot of  […]

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Thank You San Francisco!

Thank You San Francisco!  There’s this weird thing that people in San Francisco do that I think is really condescending, disingenuous  and gross but also funny and ridiculous.  Instead of taking their old used filthy junk to the dump they pretend like they’re doing everyone a huge favor by offering it to us…for FREE! They […]

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City of Pacifica: Stoking the Apocalypse Paranoia!

  An Open Letter:   Dear City of Pacifica, I was wondering if you could please not do an extra long and louder than usual emergency alarm test siren the day after the President threatens earth with nuclear war in a snarky tweet.   I have experienced your weekly emergency siren test many times over the […]

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In Honor of Dee Dee

The only thing worse than losing our beautiful, brave, perfect dog Dee Dee after 17 years was living in a still, dogless apartment afterwards.  The very soul of our home had disappeared.    The grief was overwhelming and paralyzing, but the void of having no dog at all was unbearable. I started trolling pitbull rescue websites […]

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See’s Candies Do’s and Dont’s!

See’s Candy is a glorious holiday mystery.  It’s easy to identify your favorites but what about the pieces that you aren’t as familiar with?  People have a lot of identification strategies but I disapprove of all of them.  Here are my do’s and dont’s. When it comes to See’s Candy you have to take responsibility […]

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See’s Candy Analysis, Part 1

I love See’s Candy.  I was a sugar restricted kid that looked forward to the holidays every year so I could get my three pieces of See’s candy from the 2 pound box. (I have a big family).   I grew up studying and mapping out the candy box so that none of my precious chocolate […]

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