18 Sleeping Positions of a Dog Owner

Not relatable

I’m so tired

I haven’t had a good, uninterrupted night’s sleep in over twenty years.  Not since I got my first dog DeeDee, a pitbull with very little need for personal space.  Although back when I had her I was single so we made it work, sharing a whole bed between the two of us.  Then my husband Britt came along and things got more difficult.  She usually slept in a ball in between my legs or wedged herself between our bodies, stretched out to the length of her sleeping humans.

When she passed after 17 perfect years I got Jasmine and then Ree Ree.  Jasmine is very needy.  She will grip your leg or hand or whatever body part she’s touching in her sleep and pull it closer to her.  She uses her big body as an anchor to make sure that you are immovable and can never leave her.

Ree Ree, the younger one, always seeking comfort in Jasmine, creeps over inch by inch each night until her body is plastered against her sister’s.  My legs cannot accommodate both of them so I end up on my side with half of my body on the IKEA would frame, but as long as they’re comfies.

So when I saw the “18 Sleeping Positions” diagram on Twitter I obviously did not relate to these blacked out REM getting people.  But no problem, I fixed it.  Please enjoy my revised and improved version, 18 Sleeping Positions of Dog Owners.

Which one are you?  I’m definitely all of them except for 13 and 18.  The original number 13 is clearly a psycho killer with back spasms so I tried to make my version a bit more adorable although it’s still super strange.

Please enjoy my diagram and let me know what your number is!  Night night!


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