Welp, it’s spider season and I have four large spiders in my backyard. They each have their own quadrant where they have built gigantic webs stretching inconveniently through my yard’s thoroughfares. One spider has decided that connecting her web between the bouganvillea and the lid of our recycling bin is the perfect place to build […]
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Welp, I have a weird eyeball now. A couple months ago I noticed a bright white spot on my eyeball surrounded by blood vessels. Of course I was like, “Okay, my worst nightmare has finally happened, I have eye cancer. I need to start preparing.” But then I visited the Google machine and it’s called […]
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One day this summer, at low tide on a waveless day, I was walking parallel to shore in the shallow water to rehab my injured knee. A lobster wandering the sea floor startled me enough that I let out a tiny, little wee scream but he left me alone and I went on my way. […]
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During the pandemic shut down I have hardly seen any pigeons. With all the restaurants and bars closed and everyone else sheltering in place there is no longer a free and easy food source where they can manically gather, gobbling up every crumb. I don’t see them fighting each other over every bean and grain […]
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For a few months I had been reading on Twitter about some kind of epidemic over in China that doctors and experts that tracked that sort of thing seemed to be really freaking out about. They’d tweet out statistics and graphs trying to alert us regular people about how dangerous it was and how there […]
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In a wild land with strong rivers cutting through it on the way to the sea, there lived a man named Edgar that would walk down to one of these rivers to fish nearly every day. One spring morning he was baiting his hook when the largest bald eagle he had ever seen swooped down […]
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I went to move my truck for street cleaning this morning a little before nine. In my peripheral vision I saw what seemed to be a homeless lady that was maybe a little bit nutty, walking towards me in a pretty rose colored short bathrobe and white slippers. Well those aren’t going to stay clean […]
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I’ve been really into frozen treats lately so I thought I’d invent a delicious easy one for summer. Introducing the Frozen Elvis! A chocolate covered peanut butter and banana frozen treat. Here’s what you’ll need. Ingredients: Peanut Butter 2 Bananas cut in half width wise ************** 1 Cup Chocolate Chips 2 tbsp salted butter 2 […]
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How do you figure out you have no self esteem if you have no self esteem to tell you? I started a plant and garden care business at twenty one because I hated working for people and also I was never going to get hired for anything other than low paying, soul sucking jobs. At […]
Read more »A couple of years ago, outside of my apartment, a pigeon flew past me frantically flapping his wings but barely being able to fly higher than about my shoulder. A pink plastic bag was attached to his foot. With each attempt to fly, just as he was becoming airborne, the bag would fill with air […]
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